


Too Good Not to Cry Over

by AutumnalBloom, awbucks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Familial Abuse, M/M, Parental Abuse, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Trans Tony Stark, abuse tw, by Bucky's parents, descriptions of abuse, family stuff, its sad at some parts and happier in others, peter is the baby, smoking tw, so kinda super family, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:23:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnalBloom/pseuds/AutumnalBloom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/awbucks/pseuds/awbucks
Summary: Tony Stark is on the run with his child on the way. Bucky is in a dark place he's convinced he deserves. At a little shelter in New York City, they find each other, and sometimes, just having someone is good enough.





	1. Chapter 1

Tony had hidden it for as long as he could. Wore baggy clothes, made excuses, hid in his room, hell, he’d even worn a corset for a while until a nurse told him that it was bad for the baby. That settled it. He had to go. Tony didn’t know anything about the baby, or..or even about having a kid. But he had graduated high school a few weeks back, and that meant he could venture out on his own. He didn’t have a choice anymore. 

All he could take was one duffle bag. The most comfortable pair of jeans he owned, some sweatshirts that still sorta fit him, and a picture of him as a little kid, with Jarvis. It was half of a good memory. That was still back when he was a little girl. Tony made an ugly little girl, and that wasn’t just his opinion. Still fucked him over in the end. 

He slung the bag over his shoulder, and paused at the window. It wasn’t safe. Tony put a hand on his stomach for a moment, thinking it over. Which was more dangerous? Running into his father, or climbing down through the tree? He’d been climbing out through the window for years, but..the baby was definitely weighing him down a little. Finally, he decided to go downstairs the right way. Big mistake.

\----

Tony barely made it out before the Ming vase hit their mahogany door. He should’ve known there was no going back. It still hurt to have it confirmed. Still...now what in the hell was he going to do? The other father of the kid, he wasn’t interested. Another high school kid who wasn’t interested in bringing home a guy who was both gay and trans. Tony huffed softly and walked toward the city. It was the only place he knew to go. He knew of a shelter downtown, maybe they’d be able to help him. 

The men’s shelters that he stopped at first...well, they didn’t know what to do with him. Tony had the right stuff, sorta. Hormones, some facial hair, no chest, but then there was the matter of the baby. Nobody knew what to do about that. It wasn’t a children’s shelter, so they sent him on. 

The only shelter in town that’d take him was the one for at risk youth. Tony felt like that was an understatement, but at least they had given him a bed. A bed, and some food, and some blankets. Tony sat his bag underneath the bed and looked around. There were a few other people, but not as many as he was expecting. Tony..well, he knew he was probably the only kid in his situation there, but maybe he could still make a friend. Was it bad to make friends when he didn’t have a place to live? Maybe it was best to take one thing at a time.

\---

Bucky came into the shelter through the back door, stomped his way up the stairs to the bedrooms and then stopped short of his shitty little twin frame. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He snapped, wiping his gushing bloody nose on the back of his hand. He and Steve had just gotten themselves into a fight a couple blocks away- assholes were trying to mug some old bag and then it just escalated. Bucky walked out with a black eye, broken nose and a nice little cut on on his hip bone. His cigarette burns hadn’t even been touched, so Bucky counted that as a win. Some of those were still a little tender. 

“That’s my bed, asshole.” He shrugged his army jacket off and stuck it on the desk across from his bed. Bucky didn’t really have much to claim it as his own- all the shit he did have was piled on the desk, extra set of clothes, beat up books and a framed picture of Becca- so it was probably understandable as to why this guy thought the bed was vacant. Hell, it even had hospital corners. Old habits die hard, like bruises. 

Tony froze in his tracks. Fuck. Instincts kicked in. He sheltered his stomach and picked up his bag, shoving it across the floor. Tony - he needed to get away. The man was bleeding and looked like he’d punch anybody who got in his way. “I’ll move.” He promised, quickly. Tony had just gotten comfortable, how was he to know? But he’d fix it. Tony could fix it. 

The bed was a little rumpled from where he’d sat, and he quickly smoothed the sheets down. “Sorry,” He said softly. Tony would’ve been more- more snappy, but he was so tired. Just wanted to be safe and keep his baby safe. Was that so much to ask? “Sorry, sir. Promise.” He added. 

“I just thought nobody was there. I thought it wasn’t your bed.” It was embarrassing, the way he just- just gave in. It was the best he could do. “Please don’t hurt me or my baby.”

Bucky bristled when he was called sir, but didn’t say anything. The guy just kept blustering through apologies and pleas, he had no time to respond. So instead, he grabbed a handkerchief Peggy had insisted he have and stuck it against his bleeding nose and got to work unlacing his combat boots. Bucky slid them off and soon enough was sitting cross legged on the bed, looking much smaller and closer to himself than he had moments ago. 

Now, he looked like a kid again, messy hair pulled back, stained t-shirt and worn jeans- striped socks, too. His sister had given them to him as a Christmas gift. He’d been there when she’d picked them out. No one else would take her out shopping. Bucky still had acted surprised when he unwrapped them. 

At the word baby, there was no acting necessary for the shock that shot his eyebrows up. Bucky clamped his teeth down on his lip and his fists closed tight. Not to swing at anything, no, but to keep them from fidgeting or from...from reacting. 

He hadn’t really given the guy’s stomach a second thought. Who was he to judge if someone was a little pudgy? Or passed for younger and had a beer belly? He got into fights every other day and would rather get a slap from his mother or an insult from his teacher than even try to look ‘em in the eye. 

“You’re...you’re pregnant?” He asked, voice suddenly soft. Bucky remembers when his mother was pregnant with Becca. He’d been so fascinated by the ordeal, particularly about becoming a brother. His mom had been so nice for those nine months, and his dad had been out of the house a lot, too. 

“How far along are you?” 

Tony wanted to cry, but he nodded instead. Yeah. He was pregnant and alone. “A-about three and a half months, I think.” He glanced up at the other man. Sitting on the bed, he didn’t look so scary. About his age, too. “My father, he threw a vase at me and I knew I had to leave.” Tony hadn’t even told him. Howard just figured it out on his own. 

“So here I am.” At a shelter. Sure, it was nice. He appreciated it, he really did. It was just an adjustment. From a mansion with a butler to..just a bed. And he barely had that. “I know, it’s a stupid way to get kicked out. It’s my fault anyways.” He should’ve gotten rid of the baby before, but...Tony was naive. Thought the father would be okay with it. Or that he could raise the kid himself, and be happy. Tony had always wanted children. Just not like this. 

“But at least I’m here, right? It’s safe.” 

Bucky nodded seriously and wiped his eyes. Fuck, he was tired. “Safer than home.” He got up and lifted a shoulder to the bathroom across the hall. 

“I’m gonna get ready to go to bed, alright? I won’t hog the bathroom, promise.” He was used to three minute showers himself, and sometimes not even that if one of his parents were hungover. He grabbed his sweatshirt and stuck it under his arm with the toothbrush and paste. Bucky closed the door behind him and stripped down to his boxers, ignoring himself in the mirror as he splashed water on his face to rinse the blood away and brushed his teeth. If Bucky hated anything, it was the taste of stale breath. 

Bucky walked back over in plaid boxers and a worn but soft sweatshirt, he wordlessly climbed into bed and laid down, one arm under the pillow and one curled around his chest. He stared over at the new guy. 

“I’m not an asshole about that shit. I’m really not, swear t’god.” He nodded a little. They didn’t have to be and Bucky wasn’t sure he even wanted to be friends with him, but he didn’t want him to think he was...like his old man. Cruel, hateful…

“I’m here ‘cause my old man caught me with a boy in his pick up.” 

Tony was curled tightly around his pillow, trying to get comfy. It wasn’t easy, but he just wanted to feel warm and safe and...nice. “Yeah,” He said, softly. “That’s okay. I’m gay too.” Tony didn’t mind the labels. Just when people used them against him. 

“Do you know any place that might hire me?” He picked at his cuticles, trying to plan his next day. Tony was a good mechanic, but he doubted he’d fit under a car with his tummy. It didn’t sound very safe either. “I’ll do just about anything.” Tony just wanted to be responsible. Just wanted to be able to afford formula and diapers and a bed for the baby to sleep in. He didn’t think his roommate would want to hear about his problems, but maybe they could be friends, maybe. 

“By the way..my name’s Tony. If you wanted to know.” 

“Bucky.” He shrugged and looked down at the crack of light coming from under the door. He’s fairly certain this room used to be someone’s office, by the size of it. And by the nice rolltop desk Bucky claimed as his own. For awhile, it’d just been him in here, so he hadn’t worried about someone else wanting it. Maybe now Tony would. And he ought’a give it up, right? ‘Cause of the baby and all? 

“You should ask Pegs. She’s got connections n’ shit.” Bucky bussed tables down at a diner. One good thing about that shithole of a job was that lotsa people didn’t finish their food and it wasn’t too gross. 

Okay. Bucky wasn’t that desperate. He...he didn’t really eat the stuff off plates he was supposed to toss. That was just- what’d his English teacher call it? Hyperbole. Yeah. 

Tony nodded a little, thinking it over. He’d ask Peggy tomorrow. She was the one who’d decided to let him stay. She’d probably be glad that he was willing to put in the effort too. Tony was determined to do what he had to, so long as it gave his future kid an okay life. 

“Thanks, Bucky. Goodnight.” He sighed softly. Tony missed his teddy bear. But, it was time to grow up. Whether he wanted to or not.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning came bright and early. Tony showered, got himself and presentable as he could. He’d taken his nice suit, though it didn’t fit him well. Still, it’d do until he could get a job someplace. Anywhere. First though, he was going to have some breakfast. They all ate in a big dining hall, and today the menu had potatoes and sausage, plus toast. 

Tony took his plate and looked around, then spotted Bucky at a table. Would it be okay if he sat there? Tony walked over to him. “Could I sit with you? It’s okay if not. You don’t have to feel obligated.” He didn’t want Bucky to put up with him just because he was having a baby. That wasn’t fair to either of them. Tony could always find someplace else to sit. It was like high school all over again. 

Seemed like the food was better, though.

Bucky shrugged and moved over a little so his new roommate could still down. He was...odd. Asked to sit down? What the hell? He didn’t give him a second glance until he sat down, but when Bucky did, he leaned back a little and smirked. 

“You really wearing that? I told you Pegs’d get you a job. Not a spot on Wall Street.” He shook his head and bent back over his food, elbows on either side of his plate and shoulders hunched over the table. Like someone would take his food. Bucky stabbed a potato and shoved it in his mouth. He wished they did oatmeal more often. He liked oatmeal. He used to mix in chocolate chips and top it with whipped cream for his sister before school. Called it cookie oatmeal. Bucky liked it too. The cream would get all melty and swirl into the oats and chocolate and it’d be warm and filling and it was like it was snowing a foot outside and you were safe by the Christmas tree. 

“Best she can probably do is Micky D’s or something like that. Or maybe you can bus tables like me.” 

Tony couldn’t help but frown. It wasn’t the type of job, he didn’t care about that. But...he had wanted to make a good impression. That was what Jarvis had always said to do. It was the only piece of home he had left. The only thing that still made him feel like himself. Bucky was probably right, though. He looked silly. Bucky knew more than he did about living there. 

“I’ll change after breakfast.” He said softly, and poked at his food. Tony wasn’t really hungry. It was bad to waste it though, and he knew the baby needed it, so he ate. He felt...alone. Barely human. The only thing that kept him grounded was the life inside him. Even the way he ate betrayed his background, and made him stick out even more. Tony always used his knife and fork. Knew all his manners, always stuck to them. It was habit, but it still made him stick out. Just like everything else.

“Thanks for letting me know.” He added once he was finished. Tony stood up, and put his plate and silverware into the bucket. Now, all he had to do was change and talk to Peggy. He wasn’t sure what she’d find for him, but it didn’t matter much. As long as he could start saving for someplace of his own.

\---

Bucky’s day went downhill from there. Every minute that passed was another moment of bad luck and shitty fate. He was finishing up his shift at the diner when his boss came over and shook him by the shoulder. Immediately, his eyes went dead and his body numb. Bucky swallowed hard on dread and with all the speed and grace of a broken bicycle chain, turned to look the bigger man head on. He was just waiting for it, a left hook to his jaw, a swift punch to the gut. Something. 

Apparently, he’d noticed all the food Bucky had swiped from tables and from the back and had been keeping a list. For the past month. Every burger and pancake and fry. Every half of a tuna sandwich someone had left untouched on their plate and every time a kid didn’t touch their leftover cup of milkshake. He’d...he’d made sure before he drank it. Bucky wasn’t disgusting. 

“You disgusting piece of trash!” The balding man pushed Bucky into the back. They were closing so it wasn’t like anyone really saw what was going on. Or cared. That was probably the better assumption. His expression didn’t shift, didn’t move from scarily placid, but Bucky’s eyes widened. The manager was yelling and yelling, throwing insults at Bucky, spit flying everywhere. 

“You want some’a this?” He picked up the waste basket the cooks threw their peels and burnt bits into. The bad bits of hamburger and soggy fries. Banana peels and tomatoes. It stunk to high heaven and nearly made Bucky gag when it was shoved into his face. He wanted to throttle the man, but Bucky knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t get in trouble again. He had no place else to go. 

“I bet you do, you piece of shit. Do y’know how many customers have seen you? Eatin’ their garbage?” His boss cackled and pushed the trash into Bucky’s hands. He couldn’t get a hand on it so the damn thing fell to the tiled floor and splattered up on top of him. 

Bucky dropped to his knees and attempted to clean up the mess, but it was futile. The whole damn thing was futile. He had been silent the entire time. Tongue too hot to say anything coherent and lips too shaky to keep his emotions in line. 

“Got nothin’ to say for yourself, huh? Nothing? Ha. Least you know what you are.” Bucky kept his head down. He’d rather have the stench of rotten tomatoes than to look that man in the eye. 

“A rat. A dirty little stupid rat who can’t get a real job ‘cause he dropped outta high school. Y’know, back in my day, workin’ meant something. Y’had respect. But now we just got trash like you, eating our food and prob’ly wastin’ your checks on booze.” His lips pulled into a nasty smile. 

“That’s what it is, right? Picked up a little drinkin’ habit? Prolly picked it up from yer old man. Grew up with daddy gettin’ drunk in front of the TV? With six packs in the freezer? Y’know what they say ‘bout drunkies. Stays in the family, like father like-” 

And that’s when Bucky punched him. Through thick tears that he wouldn’t let fall, Bucky put all his weight into it. Wasn’t enough to knock him out or anything, Bucky was too upset for that type of power, but enough to push him back into the sacks of potatoes. He wasn’t his father, he wasn’t his father, he wasn’t-

“You little-” Bucky ducked as his boss came barreling toward him, managing to miss the brunt of his force, only to pay for it right after, with a kick to the gut and his arm being pulled as he was dragged from the kitchen. 

“Get out. Or I call the cops.” The only reason he hadn’t already was because he was in the system too. Couldn’t get sent away again, could he? 

Bucky scrambled up onto his feet and ran. He didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t his father, he wasn’t his father, he wasn’t his father.

\----

Tony got a job at a gas station. Peggy knew the owner, and he was a nice guy. Didn’t seem to mind Tony too much. Tony didn’t mind the job, either. He knew he was capable of more, but it was simple. He understood everything. The people were okay, usually in a hurry. The only people he didn’t like were the ones who stank like cigarettes and booze. They hit a little too close to home. That was when his hands shook while he unlocked the Camel cabinet, or while he checked their ID.

The other nice part about it was that he got an employee discount. The gas station was almost a full-service grocery store. It sold formula, diapers, milk, everything he’d need. He’d be able to save on groceries while he tried to save money. Tony wished that he’d be able to do the things that most pregnant people did. Get an ultrasound and see his baby, or have a baby shower with all his friends. What friends? Everyone from high school had graduated, and were headed off to college. Not him. He was the failure, the percentage that brought his school shame. The guy who people thought of every few years and shook their head about. 

The store was quiet for a little while during the afternoon, that gave him a chance to sit at the counter and read. His boss didn’t mind, so long as he wasn’t on his phone. As though Tony had the money for a phone now, or anything besides a library card. The card was his saving grace now. The bell jingled, and he looked up. Oh. It was Bucky. He looked like he’d had a bad day. Smelled like he’d had a bad day too. Tony wrinkled his nose and stood up, putting his book under the counter. He was trying not to be grossed out because it wasn’t Bucky’s fault, but his sense of smell was...stronger now. Didn’t help. “Hey, Bucky. What can I help you with today?” Tony was supposed to develop a rapport with customers. Maybe this counted? 

“Peggy got me a job here, it’s nice.” He was just old enough to handle the cigarettes, but his boss still had to come and ring up booze. That worked out better for Tony anyways. He prayed he didn’t still work there at twenty-one. His kid would be two and a half by then. 

Bucky took one look at the man behind the counter and swore under his breath, kicking the wall. C’mon. He just wanted to get a pack of cigarettes and calm down for awhile. But now, Tony would know and be upset with him. As if his day couldn’t get any worse. He could just go down the street and pick some up at the next convenience store, but that would mean explaining to Tony why he wasn’t buying anything, and...no thanks.

“I can see that.” Bucky finally said. He pulled off his ugly as hell sweatshirt with the diner’s logo and address on it- had been his uniform he guessed, and balled it up and threw it away. So what if it was a good sweatshirt? He didn’t want to look at it anymore. Look at the barbeque sauce stains or smell the trash that had been thrown at him. It was getting to be summer besides. Even if it didn’t feel like it. Bucky was always cold. So cold. Except when he got burnt. But even then he still got the chills.

Bucky licked his lips and fidgeted for a moment by the counter. He wasn’t like-like a real smoker. Not really. There was just nothing else out there he could feel better with. And he never was going to drink. Never. No sir. Bucky almost wouldn’t care if he was a chainsmoker (Steve said he was, but Natasha said he smoked less than her, but that wasn’t saying much, he supposed), but now that Tony was living in the same room as him, it wasn’t just him he had to worry about. 

“Uh, how you liking it?” 

Tony smiled a little. “It’s nice. I make ten dollars an hour and my boss lets me sit down when I need to, and read when it’s not busy.” He shrugged. “You probably didn’t just come to visit me, right?” He suddenly noticed the man looking past him at the cases.

“Oh. Okay, do you have your ID on you?” The smell of the tobacco wasn’t as bad as the stuff that came in the tins, like his dad smoked. The expensive, earthy stuff that smelt of mahogany and other fine materials. 

“I can only give it to you if you’re eighteen. What kind do you want?” He picked up the key from where it was taped under the cash register. Tony was a little disappointed, but not angry. If anything, just a little melancholy. It was Bucky’s choice, of course. Tony was sure he wouldn’t smoke inside, Peggy wouldn’t allow it. He had just...hoped that Bucky would be different. 

Tony picked at his arm, waiting for an answer and the card. It would be okay, right? Bucky wouldn’t ask him to do anything illegal. He was too good for that. Bucky was too kind to do that to him. If he wasn’t...Tony would still refuse. This was his only chance at a good job. He wasn’t going to ruin it by breaking the rules on the first day.

Bucky crumbled inward at Tony’s reaction. “Aw c’mon...don’t look at me like that.” He muttered, fishing his wallet out of his back pocket. He was tired, so tired. All he really wanted to do was cry and fall into a river, but neither of those things were allowed. 

“Please? Sorry- I-I-” Bucky put his wallet on the counter, open to his ID. Back when he was bright eyed and bushy tailed at 16. Teenage acne, short, cropped hair. He looked like how a kid should look. Even with all the shit that was going on at home, he still had held it together. 

He rested his elbows on the glass top and held his face in his hands, hair falling around him like a curtain. 

“I lost my job.” Should he tell him why? Maybe. Not yet. “I already know I’m a piece of shit. I’m not stupid. You don’t have to go all saintly on me.” 

He was quiet for a moment, looking the ID over. It was legit, it was Bucky, it just made him sad. Bucky had been so young there, just two years ago. Tony looked at him for a moment, the only sound in the gas station was the instrumental of Hungry Like the Wolf playing over the crappy speakers. “Can I hug you?” Tony said, finally. 

Tony walked out from behind the counter and waited for the man to move away. When he didn’t, he lightly wrapped his arms around him and hugged. They both needed one. That was for damn sure. Tony didn’t want to let him go once he got started, but he knew Bucky probably wouldn’t want to be held for long. Besides, it might look a little funny. Still, Tony was so warm and cozy..it took willpower to move away. 

“Sorry.” He said, softly. “I thought we could both use one right now. I’ll get you your cigarettes.” Tony looked at the blue and white grouted tile floor, and walked back behind the counter. It made him feel safe. A line of separation and space between the customer, and him. He felt so drawn to Bucky, but it was hard to cope with seeing him so upset. Tony fumbled with the keys and unlocked the cabinet, pulling out the least expensive box.

Tony rang them up and finally glanced back to Bucky, maintaining eye contact for a few painful seconds. “It’ll be ten dollars.” 

After he paid, Bucky got the hell outta there. He went straight down to the beach, the gross, little inlet with the docks. It was cold and grey and rocky and really, no one should go down there. But it was Bucky’s favorite spot to smoke. The salty ocean mist hit his cheeks and made his tears deniable. 

Tony had hugged him. Walked over and hugged him. Why? What the hell was that for? Bucky hugged his knees to his chest and stared towards the water, shitty cigarette dangling between his teeth. He’d already tore through half a dozen. God, he was a shit-fuck. 

He inhaled on the smoke and shut his eyes, tears stinging on his cheeks. He really was a piece of trash. Smoked even when the world told him not to, punched when he should hold back. Bucky sighed and put his cigarette out and got up, sand falling from his combat boots like rain. He let the butt drop and bit his lip- the burns still stung. Even now that he was used to it. He guessed that his dad used more pressure when he did it. Bucky only held it there long enough to make a mark, really. 

He looked out to the ocean once more before walking up to the street again. He just needed to go to bed now. But he couldn’t. He had night school.

Tony had just gotten off of work. The shelter provided dinner too, but he picked up a bar of chocolate that was on sale at the gas station as a treat. Or as a snack during the midday, if he got hungry tomorrow. The shelter was busy now, packed with people trying to get a hot meal and a bed. Tony was glad he already had the bed, at least. They were having vegetarian lasagna for dinner, which he was looking forward to. It seemed like the baby was too, because suddenly, it moved. 

He gasped. It was just for a moment, but it was enough. The baby inside him was okay. It was alive, and apparently looking forward to lasagna. Tony hadn’t even known before then whether the baby was healthy. But it had to be if it was kicking, right? Tony sighed happily, and let his hand rest on his stomach as the line slowly moved. That had made his week. Maybe he’d tell Bucky when he saw the man again. If Bucky wasn’t angry at him for earlier. After dinner, maybe he’d go back out and look for another job. If one job helped..maybe two would help more. He had to find someplace to live before the baby was born. The shelter was great, but it was no place for an infant, and he’d need somewhere to stay and some money saved before the time arrived.

Bucky didn’t go to class. He just couldn’t do it. He didn’t go down to dinner either. When he got back to the shelter Bucky immediately went up to his bed. He stuck himself under the shower and then under the blankets- shirtless and covered by scratchy blankets. Tony wasn’t in here, so he didn’t care that his arms with their fresh welts and his back and stomach with their bruises and scars were out for show. He wouldn’t notice or care. No one else did. Besides- Bucky deserved it all.

Tony took his dinner back to the room. There were too many people in the dining hall, and he was going to be careful not to ruin anything. On the way home, he’d found a discarded newspaper, so he was going to comb through it for rental or apartment listings. That was when he noticed Bucky curled up under the blankets. Tony wasn’t sure what to do at first, so he sat down on his bed. “They have dinner in there, y’know. Do you want some of mine?” Technically, Tony probably needed it. But who knew when Bucky last ate? At least he had breakfast, but Tony wasn’t sure beyond that. “It’s vegetable lasagna.” 

He cut some of it in half and started to eat from that side only, to let Bucky make up his mind. In the meantime, he started to look at the newspaper. Apartments in the city were pretty expensive, but maybe he could find something small. Something rent-controlled, ideally. Suddenly, Tony had an idea. Maybe a stupid one, but an idea.

“Hey,” He said, quietly. “Do you wanna go in on an apartment with me?” He couldn’t afford it by himself, but with someone he trusted? That seemed...possible. 

“Hm?” Bucky rolled over and looked at Tony over his blankets, hugging a pillow to his chest. He let the proposition roll over in his mind before it really stuck. Then, it sent Bucky into a spiral of panic and fear all over again. His fists clenched under the sheets and he hid his face behind the pillow, very much like a child who never had much help growing up. Very much like himself. 

“Why would you want to do that? You don’t even know me.” He’d only just moved into the shelter and now he was asking Bucky if he wanted to move into an apartment with him. Bucky wasn’t rich, he wasn’t educated, fuck- he stole food. Not exactly prime co-inhabitor material.

“I already I told you my boss kicked my ass anyway. Not really a model employee.” How much had Bucky told Tony? He forgets, but didn’’t really care either way. He hadn’t even told Pegs yet how bad it’d been. Maybe he should just keep that to himself, huh?

Tony shrugged. “Well...you could get another job. I saw a help wanted ad at Walmart.” They hired anyone, didn’t they? Tony thought they did. “You could work someplace else.” He chewed on his lip, not sure how to respond to Bucky’s first question. 

“You’re the only person who hasn’t just accepted me, but also...seemed to care at least a little about me and my kid. I mean, sure, you’re busy, but..” He sighed gently. “You didn’t yell at me except for that one time, and I just - I just have to get out of here, Buck. I can’t raise my kid here. You’re the only person I know.” What other choice did he have besides trusting the man? Going it alone and probably end up on the streets again. 

“I wanna get out of here and I don’t want to be struggling the rest of my life. I need someplace stable and..if we worked together, maybe we could do that.” Tony glanced down. “I felt the baby kick today. It’s definitely alive and..and I just want to give it a better childhood than we had. It won’t happen here.” 

“Lemme sleep on it, huh?” Bucky rolled back over and burrowed deeper into his scratchy blankets. You know those heavy quilts grandmas have? Bucky wanted one of those. To wrap around himself in the old colonial house he didn’t have as the snow fell softly outside. 

“I’ll letcha know in the morning, m’kay?” And with that, Bucky was out like a light. He really couldn’t have stayed up any longer, lest his emotions catch up with him and he’d cry like a baby then. That didn’t make good apartment renter material. Knowing himself, Bucky had a feeling he’d take Tony up on his offer. He was right, this was no place to raise a kid, and Bucky sure’s hell didn’t want them to be out on the streets. 

He’d lost Becca, so maybe this was a way he could make it up to her. She’d always liked that sort of pass on the kindness shit. From wherever she was, maybe she’d look down and see that Bucky was trying again. That even though he couldn’t save her he still cared. Becca would’ve liked Tony too. They were both that same time of syrupy nice that really ought to be annoying but really wasn’t because they were just too damn good.

Tony nodded a little and cuddled under his own blanket. It wasn’t much, but at least he could snuggle with his MIT sweatshirt. They’d given it to him because he was such a good prospect. It was a nice memory. He was going to take good care of it. Just in case he really did get to go one day. It was highly unlikely, but it was still a nice idea. 

“Goodnight, Bucky.” Tony sighed softly and closed his eyes, falling asleep to the sounds of activity in the shelter. Light chatter, the television, just enough life to coax him into rest. The morning would bring more of the same but for once, he didn’t mind. Tomorrow, Bucky would decide whether to help him get an apartment or not. He’d get to work at the gas station again. There were small mercies.


	3. Chapter 3

Because Bucky had missed his GED class last night, he had to go in bright n’ early to meet with the teacher before her regular classes started. He felt silly going into the high school with all the teenagers looking at him like he was some freak, but...what else was there to do? He had to get what he missed so he didn’t fall behind. He was almost done too. 

Before he left, though, Bucky left a note on Tony’s night stand. It had two words scribbled on it, with a signature smear of a lefty ruining even those four letters. I’m in. They’d talk about it more later. Tony had his job at the gas station and Bucky, well, Bucky had to go out and look for work. Try and find something so he wasn’t deadweight. He passed a couple places that struck his fancy, but Bucky didn’t go in. He was too much of a piece of shit to even go in there. To this bookstore, or the antique shop. They both had we’re hiring signs up, but it didn’t matter. They’d never take him. Nevertheless, Bucky wrote down the names of the businesses, as a false sense of hopes and dreams. 

Tony was up early, but not until after Bucky left. He saw the note and smiled, placing a hand on his stomach. “Hear that, baby? We’re going to find someplace to live. I promise.” He went into the dining hall and got his breakfast. It was oatmeal today. If only Bucky was there, or Tony had a way to contact him. Neither of them had phones, though. 

Peggy sat down beside him, with a little smile. “Hey, Tony.” She said, putting her bowl of oatmeal next to his. Tony knew she had money to eat better- why did she eat the same stuff? “I have some good news for you.” 

 

Tony arched an eyebrow. “You do?” 

Peggy nodded. “Y’know the pregnancy center downtown? I gave them a call, and they’re willing to do an ultrasound for you. You just have to decide when to schedule it.” They were willing to provide most of the care, but the ultrasound was free. She figured that Tony would want to start with that, for now. “I can call them back and schedule it for you too.” 

He smiled. That was good news. Bucky would probably be happy to hear that too. Hm. Well, when wasn’t he scheduled to work? “I could do Friday or Saturday, at really any time.” He took a bite of his oatmeal and looked back at Peggy. “Thank you so much. For all of this.” There was no telling what would’ve happened without her. 

In the end, Bucky took put in an application for McDonald’s, Walmart, and the local rink. He really didn’t want to work at any of those places- McDonald’s was mom’s I’m hungover and probably high here’s dinner you little fucks, and Walmart, well...was Walmart. Bucky still had some dignity. The rink was probably his best option, really, it was just...it was really stupid, but Bucky hated the cold. Hated it. Maybe it was ‘cause some winters the heat went out on them, or when Bucky was bad, his mom would put ice cubes down his shirt and make him stand in front of the open freezer. He didn’t really know. 

Bucky decided to use the rest of his precious day off to study. Back before he dropped out, Bucky had been a great student. Loved school. It was a break from home, of course, but his teachers had liked him more than his parents ever did and they saw his...potential. What a great waste he was, but at least their words had made him feel good at the time. Now, he was just the same POS he’d been told he was. 

He sat on the couch in the rec room, squinting down at the math problems and copying them into his ratty spiral notebook. He was one of those guys who actually finished notebooks, but that was out of necessity than habit, really. Bucky knew what he was doing- it was just algebra, but the rec room wasn’t the best place to do homework. He ought to move to the dining room or some place. Bucky had just chosen the couch for one singular reason, and the reason made him feel like a weak kneed idiot. But...he hadn’t been able to let it go, so perhaps it wasn’t so idiotic. Or did that make it more so? Anyway, the couch in the rec room was right across from the front door and that’s where Tony’d come through when he was back from work. That’s why he was sticking it out in the hellhole of the shelter. Tony. He just wanted to see him. His friend.

Tony’s day at work had been pretty average. Not bad, though one guy had looked at him like he was the next plague. That was okay. Nothing had quashed his excitement to tell Bucky the good news. And hug him maybe, if the man would let him. That made a little blush appear on his cheeks, though Tony wasn’t sure why. His step quickened as he got closer to the shelter, and walked in to see Bucky right away. Tony smiled. He was there and doing homework. “Hey, Bucky!” Tony said, sitting down beside him. The happiness practically radiated off of Tony.

“How was your day? Peggy managed to get an ultrasound for me, I can’t wait. Do you wanna go with me?” It was..a personal experience, but one that Tony didn’t want to do alone. He fell quiet, waiting for Bucky to tell him no. It made sense, and he was expecting it. Still, he held out hope. Maybe Bucky could be more than a roommate one day, when things were better. “You don’t have to.” Tony had called the real dad on a payphone, but he wasn’t interested. He just didn’t want to be alone. Was that wrong? It was okay, right? They could go as friends. Like girls did sometimes. 

Bucky hesitated for a moment. Wasn’t that something...people you’re close with are supposed to do? Not just some almost-stranger from a shelter? Maybe their circumstances were different. From the safety of his too-long sleeves, Bucky ran his fingers over his palms and chewed his lips. 

“Do you want me to?” He asked quietly. It- it was a big proposition. One that Bucky wanted to make sure Tony thought through before committing to it. The first ultrasound was so important, so intrinsic, so special, Bucky would feel awful taking away from that. 

“Cause...I will. But only if you want me to be there. I don’t want to fuck it up for you.” 

Tony thought about it, staying quiet. After a few more moments, he reached over and touched Bucky’s hand. “You’re the only person I trust enough. I want you to come with me.” He looked at the man, and smiled sadly. “I - I don’t think people like us are supposed to feel. They’re just supposed to survive, and earn their place back. But I feel a connection to you, Bucky.” He chewed on his lip.

“Maybe one day, when we’re both in a better place, it can be more than that.” He didn’t just mean a ‘better place’ in terms of housing, either. “I’d like that. Right now, though..I just want to share the little bright spots I have.” Tony scooted a little closer to him. “I know you don’t think so, but I think you deserve the chance to be happy.” Tony didn’t think that was a bad thing. It was special, sure. “There’s no one I can think of that I’d rather have there. Jarvis, maybe, but...as great as he was, he wasn’t exactly thrilled either.” 

Tony gave him a cheeky smile. “I think he just didn’t want another me.” 

Trying to ignore Tony’s previous revelations, Bucky smiled softly and shrugged. “If they’re anywhere as kind as you, I think our world’s gonna benefit from another you runnin’ around.” He tried not to think too deeply on Tony’s words. That he wanted to be together. With Bucky. Date him, it seemed. Not now, but someday, which meant the attraction was already there. That made no sense to Bucky. He’d sold him fucking cigarettes for god’s sake! And that wasn’t even half of it. Bucky was not a good person, not like Tony. He was all banged and bruised up from his parents and kept the tradition going himself ‘cause someone had to punish him, right? 

He shook his head a little. “Lemme know when your appointment is, okay?” Bucky got up, book and notes under his arm, “And don’t put all your eggs in one basket, hm?” Bucky just didn’t want Tony to be any worse off than he already was. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if he hurt Tony. It’d kill him. Bucky gave the man another sad smile and squeezed his shoulder gently. 

“I’ll be upstairs.” 

Tony nodded, and suddenly remembered something. “Oh!” He stood up. “I uh- I talked to Peggy today and mentioned something, and..” Tony shrugged. “There’s some leftover oatmeal in the fridge for you.” It was the least he could do. Bucky had been so nice. If oatmeal made him happy, then it was well worth the special request. 

“I’ll be up after I have some dinner.” Tony really was making an effort. He was naive, inexperienced, but...to him, the world was still worth a try. Not everybody was like his father, or his baby’s father. Some people still had to be good. 

In the dining hall, they were having soup. It was weird, and beefy, and the first thing Tony hadn’t much liked. Still, he stomached it. The nurse at school had told him to eat three meals a day, but he was averaging two. It was the best he could do. Even when the food was kind of..icky. On his way back up, Tony got the oatmeal out for Bucky. He had noticed that Bucky hardly ever ate dinner. Tony was definitely a little bit of a mother hen. He’d gotten it from Jarvis, and it only seemed to be getting worse. Thinking back, he could even remember how Bucky said he liked it. At least he had the chocolate to put in. 

When he went back upstairs, Tony had two spoons. Just in case Bucky was willing to share, though he wouldn’t make him. “Hey. Would you want to share some dessert? I think I made it the way you like it.” 

Bucky looked up from where he was sitting crossed legged on his bed, textbook balanced on his knees. When he saw Tony’s offer of oatmeal with chocolate chips, he reddened and looked away. He remembered. It had just been some stupid offhand comment, really. He’d been complaining about the breakfast food and had brought up how he used to make his oatmeal. 

Gingerly, he took the bowl from Tony and spooned out a little bite. “S’good.” He said after chewing. Bucky was trying not to portray just how touched he was, how this little gesture meant so much to him. How it’d probably make him cry in the shower. 

Without thinking about it, he held out the spoon to Tony to share. Sure, Bucky could finish the bowl in about two seconds- he was always hungry. Always running on fumes, only to drop it when he realized the guy’d brought up two already. Yeah, that’d be gross anyway, right? Sharing a spoon? Bucky didn’t really care himself, he was used to it, but he knew some people had that whole thing about germs and shit. 

“Thank you, Tony.” He said softly, not able to make eye contact. He was getting into one of his funks, he could feel it. When he was just so overcome that he just wanted to rock on his bed be held tight. Wanted to express himself in ways his mom was embarrassed of. He didn’t though, because he didn’t want to weird Tony out or anything. Instead, he just stared down at his book, pretending to read, holding the bowl out to the man who claimed he was kind but was really the angel himself.

Tony shrugged. “Peggy helped..but you're welcome.” He said, gently. He sat down next to the man, and leaned against him. “You can have most of it, I just want to try a bite.” Normally he didn't mind sharing silverware, but now he didn't want to take any risks. Even with people he liked. “I just wanted to cheer you up, if I could.” Tony had just wanted to see him smile. 

He took a small bite and nodded. “That is much better than regular oatmeal.” It'd definitely been worth the rest of his chocolate bar. He would have to remember that. Tony looked towards the stairs, not wanting to go. “Tell me about your day, please?” It was just an excuse not to go. An excuse to hear Bucky's rough, low voice. Tony still hoped he would say yes. 

Bucky set the bowl down and closed his book. It was a little odd to him, that Tony wanted to just hear Bucky shoot the shit about his sad-ass life. 

“I applied to a few shitty jobs today. At Walmart, McDonald’s, and uh, the skate rink?” He shrugged. “Don’t really want to work at any of those places, but I’m no good for much else.” Bucky pulled at the threads of his sweater sleeve, picking at the holes he’d already made and forming new ones with his nails. His legs were bouncing but he didn’t even notice. Sometimes Bucky got lost in his head. 

“I have my GED test in a couple weeks, which is kinda nice, I guess.” He’d dropped out of school right at the end of his junior year when...everything happened. Bucky was just happy to be alive, to be honest. When they’d lost Becca, everything had went to hell. Especially for him. That was probably a selfish stance, but...Bucky felt like he was being honest. His parents had went out on benders and had took out their pain on him. Child services had come around and tried to enact legal shebangs on them and they had- but Bucky still ended up chain smoking and at a shelter. Not that he hadn’t been chain smoking before. 

“I used’a be good in school, y’know. I used’a be much less of a dumb piece’a shit.” Bucky chuckled a little and looked over at Tony, pushing some of his hair behind his ear. 

“But once I get that, maybe things’ll be better.” Bucky looked down at his hands and swallowed. He wanted Tony to come and hug him again. Like he had yesterday. To wrap his arms around him and tell him that it seemed like we both needed it. Bucky leaned against the bedframe and sighed a little. He sort of wanted to smoke, but wanted to stay with Tony more. He smiled a little at the man, tiredly, wistfully. Sadly.

“Somewhere over the rainbow and all that shit, right?”

Maybe they’d get there, right? They could do it, Tony was sure. “Well..it doesn't feel so far away to me.” Bucky was going to graduate soon, and that was a good sign. One thing at a time, right? “I bet once you graduate, you could work anyplace.” At least he could get started at an entry level. It wasn't easy for Tony to reconcile what once had been his dreams, and what was realistic now. Not MIT. But community college? Maybe in ten or twenty years. 

The way Bucky was looking at him made his heart ache. His gaze was so soft, so sad. “Can I hug you, Bucky?” 

Bucky nodded silently and let Tony take him into his arms again. Even though he was the smaller one, Tony felt so much stronger than Bucky was. He rested his head just against Tony’s forehead and hummed softly to himself. There was so much emotion vibrating through him, he felt like he’d fall off the bed if not for Tony. Shakily, he wrapped both arms around the man in return, only pulling away slightly when he came in contact with the kid. He’d remembered how protective Tony was of them, and Bucky didn’t want to ruin the moment. Instead, he just stayed at the distance he was at and relished in the soft strength that Tony provided in his embrace. 

“Thanks.” 

When Bucky moved away, Tony nuzzled back into him. A hug wouldn’t hurt the baby. If anything, it’d probably be happy to feel that warmth. He just stayed for a long while, just snuggling with Bucky. It was nice to be close to someone. Not in a sexual way, just..just to be warm and safe. That was enough. The baby seemed to think so too, moving against him. “I wonder if it’ll be born a girl or a boy,” Tony mused softly. “My mother always said she knew I was a boy. Guess she was right, in a way.” 

He stayed there a few more moments, then let Bucky go. If he wanted to move away, he could. Tony wasn’t sure if he wanted to. It was kind of nice, being the big spoon. Even though he was physically smaller. “Could we maybe just stay like this? It’s nice to be close.”


	4. Chapter 4

Today was the day. Tony was in the waiting room, waiting for both the nurse and for Bucky. Bucky was supposed to be there. Tony was sure he’d given him the right time, but he had a rare morning class. All he could hope was that the man would make it over in time. Tony only had enough money to get two prints, and one would go to his family. To try to convince them that maybe it wasn’t so bad. 

“C’mon, Bucky..” He said softly, looking at the wall clock. Tony didn’t want to go in by himself. He wanted to hold someone’s hand. Cry with somebody else, happy tears instead of sad. 

Fuck, Bucky was late. Of all things to be late for, this was not the time to be. He was practically running down to the clinic, burning the soles of his shoes into the concrete. At least he had good news, right? Fantastic fucking news that was going to make Tony so fucking happy it’d all be worth it. 

“Tony!” Bucky slammed into the waiting room, starling a room of to-be parents. He scanned the room for Tony and when he spotted the man, nearly skipped over, hands out in front of him, lightly shaking. He didn’t care, god damn it, he didn’t care who saw. 

“I got it. I was walkin’ here from the grocery store, right? And-and I just was walking, and then I pass this couple, right? And they’re bickering like rich people do, y’know? And-” He was bouncing with excitement, and had taken Tony’s hand in his. Bucky’s eyes were bright- so bright. 

“They were tryna figure out what to do with one a’their old grandparent’s apartment. Missus wanted to sell it, but the guy felt bad about it, so they’re going back and forth n’ all, and then I’m walking by, right? And since I don’t look too bad-” He was wearing a nicer button up with a clean t-shirt underneath, and he’d washed his jeans last night. Hell, he’d even pulled his hair back. 

“They asked me for my opinion.” Bucky rolled his eyes at that, but he couldn’t let the sourness sit for long. 

“And I said, you could get someone to sit in it for ya- like a lease. But it stays in your name, y’know? Like so if they want to keep it, they can, but they can still get some dough for it like normal renters.” His leg bounced a little and Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so happy. Or so...proud of himself. 

“And you know what they said? They said they liked the idea and then, get this, Tones, get fucking this- they asked if I knew any tenants. And I said I was in the market. And guess what?” Bucky took Tony by his shoulders and kissed his forehead. 

“They said long as I n’ you go for an interview, it’s ours!” 

Tony could barely believe it. Bucky - he’d found them a place! An apartment, and they just had to go on an interview. He smiled and kissed his cheek. “Oh my god, Bucky. I’m so proud of you.” He said, happily. “We -” He was so glad, just the prospect of an apartment was enough to make him feel a million times better. “Thank you.” All they had to do was an interview. “Do they know about me? They won’t be angry?” Before they had the chance to talk about it more, the nurse called them both back into the ultrasound room. 

The nurse told Tony to sit down on a strange chair that was half upright, and half reclined. She put gel on his stomach, and warmed up a machine. “So,” She said, gently. “It just has to hum for a minute, and I’ll put it against your stomach. Then..you’ll be able to see your baby.” It took a few moments, then a picture began to appear. At first, it was fuzzy. Then, Tony could see the baby. It was amazing. He could see the baby was starting to grow hair, and they were sucking on their thumb. “Aw..” Tony said, sniffling. The movement was just barely visible, but it was a beautiful, healthy baby. 

The nurse squinted at the ultrasound for a moment, then nodded. “I believe you have a healthy baby boy on your hands.” She smiled. “Congratulations, Tony. He’s growing well. I’d estimate he’s about four months, so..you only have about five more months.” 

That wasn’t long to prepare. Still, Tony wasn’t afraid anymore. He looked to Bucky and smiled. “Can you believe it?” It really was like magic. 

Bucky nodded a little. “I’m so happy for you, Tones.” He smiled and looked up at the screen. It still was so amazing to him. That Tony was just out there-that anyone was just there, doing normal human shit, but also building a baby. Like- whoa. 

“You’re gonna be a great father, I know it.” He remembers back when he was little, like ten or so, and his mother was pregnant with Becca. Dad had been out, of course, so she’d usually bring Bucky to the appointments. The first time he saw her he hadn’t really known what to think or say. The second time he saw her, he cried. Those nine months were the only nine months he looks back on with his parents fondly. They’d gone to all his school functions and taken him out for ice cream sometimes too. He’d had his drawings taped to the fridge and got to sit between them while they watched TV. The cheap beer had been nauseating, but Bucky hadn’t cared. Mom and Dad were happy, so Bucky was as well. 

He’d learned after that to find his own joy. Becca had helped with that, the little bugga, but it had been a deep ditch and a thin rope for Bucky after that. He hates to say it, but it’s always felt like it was Becs who let him fall when she did. DONE 

The nurse printed out both sonograms, and handed them to Tony. “If you're able, come see us again when you're able. Ideally at about month eight, so we can make sure he's facing the right direction for labor.” She smiled. “Good luck, Tony.”

Tony thanked her and got up, wiping the gel off of his tummy before he pulled his shirt down. Then he walked out with Bucky, and back into the street. Tony couldn't stop looking at his copy of the sonogram, humming softly. “So..do the landlords know? Will they mind?” He hoped they wouldn't. 

“I could try to..” Tony didn't want to, but he would, if it meant they had a home. “I could dress as a woman for it. If you thought it would help..” He could still pass. Tony just hated it. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but if it meant a safe home? It would be worth it, for a few hours. “I'm sure Peggy would loan me a dress.” Tony didn’t want to shave. “I..I haven't been on T since I found out, though. So I'd..well, I'd be a little stuck.” Tony didn't want to. But for Bucky, and the baby, he would. 

Bucky furrowed his brow and shook his head. “They don’t know yet, but fuck’em,” The nurse gave him a look. “Fuck them if that’s going to be a make or break for them, okay? You’re a man and you shouldn’t have to wear a dress unless you want to.” He nodded a little and walked them out of the clinic. 

“Though,” Bucky gave Tony a cheeky smile. “You’d look cute as hell. But you look cute as hell besides. And I bet you’d look great in a suit too-” Bucky realized he’d been rambling and was that flirting? And he just got beet red in the face. 

“S-sorry.” He sputtered out, anxiously fiddling with his hands. “I don’t know why I blurt that out like that.” 

Tony had no doubt, then. Bucky was the man for him. “No, don't be sorry,” He said, quickly. Tony smiled. “I thought that was..it was the perfect thing to say.” He reached over and took his hand, just to show him that it was alright. 

“I needed that.” It had given him the boost of confidence he needed. Tony had been feeling a little uncomfortable in his own skin, as the baby grew. What pregnant person didn't? It was wonderful, but also sort of...bad. Uncomfortable. It was all erased when he felt the baby move, though. “Maybe once the baby is born, I'll show you both.” Tony winked. He could still flirt. “You look damn good in anything, Buck.” 

And that’s where you’re wrong, genius. Bucky didn’t say anything about it, but he squeezed Tony’s hand and they walked down the sidewalk, in a happy silence. After a couple more moments, Bucky turned to Tony. 

“Wanna go see the place?” He shrugged a little, helpless smile on his face. “Or at least the outside of it?” It felt...nice. Being able to provide for someone else. Made him feel like he was worth something. Less like he was trash. Maybe if he worked hard enough, Bucky could become something better. He still was terrible in a whole world of ways, but...if he tried, things couldn’t get any worse, right? 

“It’s not the prettiest thing, but it’s got a little balcony n’ everything.”

\-----  
Today was interview day. Tony sat on his bed, trying to decide what to wear. It was almost three weeks after the ultrasound, and his suit was...well, it was an option, but he’d have to ditch the jacket. “What do you think, Bucky?” He asked, thinking it over. Tony hadn’t had enough money to buy much in the ways of new clothes. The gas station had gotten rid of a few old shirts and he’d gotten those for a few dollars, but they weren’t nice. Not nice enough to wear to an interview for an apartment. 

“I don’t know what to wear. They’re rich, right?” He huffed softly, chewing on his lip. “Making a good first impression is important.” Tony thought for a few moments more, trying to figure it out. Hm. “I could wear the suit and a shirt underneath, and then leave the jacket unbuttoned..but I’m not sure how that would look.” What was he supposed to do? Tony missed looking nice. Like somebody. Handsome. 

Tony looked back over at Bucky, to see what he had decided to wear. It was just so much pressure. They had to answer the right questions, look trustworthy enough to give an apartment to. There had to be a solution. Bucky was a little taller than he was, but..they did seem about to be about the same weight. At least the same before Tony was pregnant. Damn. “I guess I’ll just have to wear what I can.” 

Bucky looked over at Tony from his side of the room. It sort of felt like they were a married couple, getting ready to go out on date night while the kids were in bed. Personally, Bucky thought Tony looked nice- he was glowing, really, and he would have looked amazing if he’d worn that gross sweatshirt Bucky’d thrown away when he got ungracefully fired from the diner. 

“What about this?” He held up his favorite oatmeal colored sweater. Just about the only nice thing he owned. It’d fit Tony with his baby bump, and wouldn’t look too awkward either. At least, Bucky thought so. 

“It might work, right?” 

Tony smiled and walked over to him. It was perfect. “Thanks, Bucky.” He took the sweater gently and kissed his cheek, then took his old t-shirt off. It was a quick change, and he slipped the soft brown sweater over his head. It was nice, cozy. “I promise, I won’t get it dirty. Do I look okay?” Tony felt like he did. He felt..parental. Even though he felt more like a beach ball with legs, Tony knew he looked nice anyways. Hopefully, nice enough to impress the owners of the apartment. Maybe he’d just pass as being weirdly built. 

“Are you ready to go? You look nice, Buck.” The man really did. He was just wearing the same button-up as he’d worn to the ultrasound, but it suited him. “I hope we can do this.” Tony had been keeping a mental calendar. They only had about four more months to figure out a place to live until Peter arrived. He hadn’t told Bucky yet, but that was what he was planning to name the baby. Tony thought it was nice. Classic, like his. “All of us deserve better, right?” Tony smiled up at Bucky.

“We deserve better than our parents, and the baby deserves the best life he can have.”

“You’re so sweet, Tones.” Bucky said, fetching his jacket and slipping it on. “Really, I mean it.” He leaned over and gave him a hug around the shoulders, gently resting a hand against his stomach. It was a feather light touch, but just enough to show that he cared just as much about the baby as he did Tony. He’d make sure that kid and his father grew up safe and happy and bright. Popsicle mustaches and gingerbread houses. Everything a kid ought to have. 

He released the man and took his hand, that’s what they did now, along with cheek and forehead kisses- Tony usually giving and Bucky usually receiving, unless the situation really compelled him to switch roles, and Bucky had to say...he liked it. It was nice. Simple, but kind. Made him feel warm from his head to his toes. 

“I have a good feeling about this.” He said as they trotted down the stairs. “I really do.” Bucky looked back at Tony and half smiled. “And I rarely have good feelings about anything.” 

\---

“So,” The woman said, tugging on her expensive dress. “What do you plan to do with the apartment, if we allow you to stay in it?” 

Tony knew their type. Mostly because he used to be them. Her dress was at least five hundred, at least. “Well, miss,” He began politely. “We’ve been looking for a home to provide stability while we start our lives. It would give us the chance to advance our careers, and have a family.” He glanced to Bucky, and smiled a little. That was a pretty good answer, he could tell. 

The man nodded. “There are a few rules, we’d like the apartment to be kept in good shape. So uh-” he coughed. “As a result, we’d like it to be a smoke free and pet free home. Is that okay?” 

Tony glanced to Bucky. It was okay with him. “Sure, that’s fine with me. Bucky?” He asked, gently. The man didn’t seem addicted to cigarettes, and he smoked a lot less now, but he still wanted to check. As for pets, Tony had always wanted a pet, but..it wasn’t a dealbreaker. If they ever got a house, they could have one then. 

“Right now, we can afford to pay about..” Tony did some quick mental math. “Six hundred a month.” That was between the two of them, of course. “Would that be acceptable?” He could see it was less than the woman was hoping for, but she didn’t seem too put off by it. To seal the deal, Tony smiled at her. “Of course, once we make more money, we’d be willing to pay a bit more.” Tony really just hoped they made more one day. 

Bucky nodded at the no smoking rule. At least, he thinks he did. He didn’t really smoke as much as he used to, but he still did sometimes, and...it sort of stressed him out that he couldn’t. Which was stupid, because he didn’t have to smoke. It just...it made him feel like he didn’t have control. 

But...he’d take that if it meant getting Tony this. “We’ll be good tenants, I can tell you that much.” Bucky was glad Tony had done most of the talking, that shit made him shut down. “I understand that this is a late 19th century apartment? With original walls and floors?” He smiled a bit. Bucky was a bit of a history nerd, and that came in handy right about now. He rarely spoke about it, because he never had the time, and had never brought it up to Tony ‘cause it was sort of...embarrassing. 

“I actually was an intern at the New York Historical Society back in high school, so I understand the importance of original fixtures and how hard it is to restore them.” 

That seemed to sell her husband. “Oh, really?” He asked, looking around. “That’s wonderful to hear. When we are ready to let go of the building, I’ll have to keep in touch with you. Seems you’d make a good historical consultant.” He smiled. “The place is yours. You can both move in next week, if that works for you.” He was sure they’d take good care of the place. “Welcome.” He stuck out a hand for them both to shake, and Tony obliged.

Tony was so happy that he barely knew what to do with all the emotion. But..he wasn’t going to cry, not yet. He was determined. Pregnancy had made him all the more emotional, but he wasn’t going to embarrass himself now. “Thank you both, so much.” Bucky was right. He’d had a good feeling, and he was right. They had a place to live! Tony couldn’t wait to tell Peggy. And anyone who would listen to him, maybe he’d splurge and write a letter to Jarvis too. Tell him that he was doing well, now that he finally had some good news to report.

\--  
Once they walked outside and the couple had left, then Tony let his emotions show. He smiled up at Bucky, happy tears welling. His feelings hadn’t faded any, not at all. “We did it, Buck.” Tony took his hand and squeezed it, wishing that he could kiss the man. Though...why not? He leaned a little closer. “Could I kiss you?” Tony would never do anything new without asking. No matter how excited he was, or how badly he wanted to kiss the man. Tony knew well enough that he had a bad past. He only wished he knew more about it. 

Could he? Bucky hadn’t been kissed since...the incident. Really. And this was one of the only times he’d ever actually been asked. Usually, it was just the other guy’s lips crashing into his and Bucky having to go along with it. It wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t all good either. He hesitated for a moment, looking Tony in the eyes, before nodding. It was the slightest of nods, barely a movement at all. 

“Yeah, you can.” Bucky whispered, small smile ghosting his lips. “I’d like that.” 

Tony nodded back and pressed his lips to Bucky’s, being as gentle as he could. His kiss was soft and tender, but his feelings were palpable. Tony was in love with Bucky. It was young and naive and sweet, but he was. He cared about him. It lasted for just a moment more before Tony decided not to push it, and pulled away. “Was that okay?” He asked softly, as they walked hand in hand back to the shelter. Soon, the shelter wouldn’t be ‘home’. They’d have their own. That seemed like almost as much of a miracle as Peter.

“I - I liked it. It’s okay if you didn’t, though. We can just hold hands.” Tony didn’t mind that either. He walked inside and looked around, taking a deep breath. Next week, they’d have an apartment. For now, Tony just wanted to sleep. It was late evening, and he was too tired to even care much about dinner. The emotion had been a lot to handle at once. Though..if Bucky had liked the kiss, Tony wondered something. Could they share a bed? Just to snuggle. Tony had curled around him before and fallen asleep, but that was less...official.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky had liked it. It was sweet and gentle and butterfly soft and- just everything Bucky knew it was supposed to be. He walked back with Tony on a cloud and had this aura of contentment around him even as they made their way through the crowded and noisy shelter. 

“Y’know, one of these days,” Bucky mindlessly started pulling his pajamas together, beginning to undress in front of Tony. He almost always did so in the bathroom, privately, but tonight he’d sort of forgotten about the ice burns on his back and the scars near his tailbone and his uneven knees from where he’d been slammed down on countlessly and the marks up and down his arms- he’d forgotten that all existed. Just ‘cause of Tony

.”One of these days,I’m gonna take you out somewhere nice and we can eat dinner together with those fancy little forks and spoons that are all lined up on the napkin and-hey,” Bucky frowned. Tony looked...weird. Sick maybe? 

“You okay, Tones?” He smiled wobbly. Something was definitely wrong. “Salad one of your no-go foods right now?” 

Tony shook his head. He’d just been listening to Bucky, when he turned and saw...everything. Tony felt like he’d violated something private, something sacred. Not that Bucky was half naked, that wasn’t the problem. It was..how injured he’d been. Sure, Tony had one or two scars, but not like Bucky. He chewed on his lip and walked over to the man. “Bucky.” He said, softly.

“Tell me how you got all these, please? Or at least some of them?” He ran his thumb over Bucky’s hand. “I know it was bad, sweetheart. But I don’t want to keep anything from each other. If you tell me, I’ll tell you something happy?” Tony just needed to know. He had to know. 

“You don’t have to go into detail or tell me anything that you don’t want to, I just..I’d feel better if I could help.” If he knew what to help Bucky to avoid, what would upset him. That was important before they started really living together. 

Bucky’s face contorted and he shook his head, a gut reaction. Immediately, he hunched over himself and covered his chest with his arms. He felt cold, so cold all’a sudden. And barren and vulnerable and-

Oh, oh there was Tony. Holding his hand. Warm. Bucky looked at him for a moment with watery eyes before looking away, letting the tears slip down his cheeks. He shook his head again, rocking from foot to foot. 

“I dunno if I can, Tony.” Bucky admitted softly. “I-I-” He hiccuped on his tears, reaching out to Tony and holding him in a hug, cradling the man’s head to his chest. 

“I just dunno.” 

Tony looked up at him, and wrapped his spare arm around Bucky’s chest. Gently, he guided the man onto the bed and wiped away his tears. “Take your time. It’s okay, Bucky.” He held him close, just staying for a few minutes. Tony wasn’t going anywhere. “I’m..I’m naming the baby Peter, but - but his middle name is gonna be Buchanan, just like yours, Bucky.” He looked down at him, with a sad little smile.

“I decided it a few days ago. Would that be okay?” Even if Bucky couldn’t tell him, Tony thought he deserved some good news anyways. Something that might make him feel a little better. “Take your time, Bucky. You mean the world to me.” 

Bucky took the news in silence. He...he was giving Peter his middle name. ‘Cause he meant the world to him. With his head rested in Tony’s lap, Bucky gently guided his hand to his shoulders, and then to his collarbone. That’s where his freezer burn was. He swallowed on nothing and closed his eyes. 

“My mom used to put ice cubes down my shirt when I was bad. She’d sometimes stick metal spoons in the freezer too. Put’em on my skin. If it was the summertime, I’d hafta go stand right in the freezer, y’know on that little lip before the shelves?” He let out a shaky breath. “N’ in the win’ner, she’d make me wear wet clothes outside with wet hair.” Bucky chuckled brokenly, shivering at the mere thought. 

“Don’t like the cold too much after that.” He snuggled closer to Tony and grabbed around for a blanket, a sheet, a pillow, anything to warm up with. 

“Sort of a shame that I’m workin’ the rink, huh?” 

Tony frowned, nuzzling into him. “We’ll find you a better job, honey.” It was a soft promise. Tony was going to do as much as he could. “You’ll graduate soon and then you’ll have more choices.” He found a blanket, and covered them both in it. “Could I stay here?” 

He didn’t want to leave Bucky all alone now. “I want to stay with you, Buck.” He nuzzled into his side, careful to avoid any of the burns. Tony only wished he could warm the man up more, provide a better refuge from the cold. Now he knew what he was getting the man for Christmas, at least. An electric blanket, so he wouldn’t have to be so cold.   
“Please.” Bucky muttered as Tony covered them in a blanket. He snaked his arms around Tony’s waist and laid beside him on the pillow. Maybe, if he was lucky, he’d play with his hair. Bucky loved it when people did that. 

As much as Bucky just wanted to sleep and forget and dream and never come back to this conversation, he knew Tony deserved the whole story. All of it. If he was going to be called sweetheart, the person calling him that should know his life. 

“Both my parents are alcoholics.” He began softly into Tony’s shirt. “My mom got high sometimes too, but really it was just the booze. She n’ dad were usually angry or hungover or both n’ hated me ‘cause I wasn’t supposed to be there. Too expensive to get rid’a me, she said. I can’t eat McDonald’s anymore ‘cause that was her favorite food for hangovers and she’d always get me a kid’s meal, even if it was seven in the morning on a school day. Just throw me a burger and fries with a little toy and call it even for leaving me alone all night as a third grader.” Bucky shrugged. 

“S’okay I guess. I still kept the toys, ‘cause I’m a stupid sonuvabitch, but anyway, that was pretty much it, I guess. My old man used’a smoke all the time- he was who got me started, and he’d put them out on my arms. Fire and ice, s’what they called it.” He let Tony touch the marks on his forearms. Bucky just hoped he wouldn’t get too mad at what he was gonna say next. 

“I still, uh- I still do it sometimes, lotta the times, now too. To myself. I dunno, guess I just started thinkin’ I had to punish myself and it’s hard as hell to stop.” 

Tony never put any pressure where Bucky put his hands, just ran his fingers gently over where the scars, old and new, were. His heart was broken, but it wasn’t off-putting. His parents were, but Bucky...never. “Is..is there any way I could help you stop?” He asked, voice soft and shaky. Tony was trying not to cry. He wasn’t the one who should cry. Bucky was the one who was hurt. 

“I like you a lot, Bucky.” Tony was almost afraid to say the other l word. That it would be too much, too quickly. Their whole life the past few months had been so hurried, so close. All Tony wanted to do was stay, stay close. Enjoy the time they had, though it wasn’t easy. The shelter was always noisy, but they had respite in one another’s arms. “Your parents were..they were awful, awful people. I’m not going anywhere though, I promise.” He leaned forward and kissed his forehead. 

“I promise.”


	6. Chapter 6

It was finally move in day. Tony wasn’t expecting it to take long, since they didn’t have much to move in. Still, Tony had never been so happy. He’d picked up some clothes racks, so they could finally have a proper closet, and he’d even found a cheap sofa in the newspaper. It was a little dirty, but he was going to clean it up when he had the chance. He had so much energy, but almost nothing to do with it. Not to mention that everything, in terms of clothing, was getting worse. 

“Bucky,” He said, carrying his small tote of clothes up the stairs. “Do you have any shoes that are a size up? I think my feet are a little smaller than yours.” He huffed softly. “The baby is making me suffer today.” There were so many nice things about being pregnant, but..lots of not so nice things as well. He was hungry, his back was aching, and Peter seemed to find it amusing to move around at the most inconvenient times. At least they had their own bathroom now. 

Once they walked inside though, all of his discomforts disappeared. This was the first time they’d been inside their apartment, at least as the renters. It was theirs. Empty, but theirs. “Bucky,” He repeated, softly. Tony set the tub of clothes down and touched his arm. “This is amazing.” 

Bucky put down the box he was carrying and nodded a little. The floors were a little creaky and the windows a little drafty, the pipes needed some work and the lights didn’t always work, but- it was theirs. No one elses. No one else would come in and beat them or come in and tell them they weren’t right. It was just his and Tony’s and soon, Peter’s. God, Bucky couldn’t wait to meet that kid. He was going to be amazing. Tony was amazing, and he was taking such good care of the baby. Even though they were young and poor and fucked up, they made sure to go to the clinic and get the check ups, made sure Tony ate the right foods and didn’t over exert himself. 

“We have a home.” He said quietly. Home hadn’t been true until right this second. Home had been a figment of his imagination. Home had been a dream. But now...it was reality. Sweet, sweet reality. It’d be hard to manage and rough to live in, but fuck- it was home. 

Tony took his hand and squeezed it, nodding. “We do. All of us.” They’d done it, together. It wasn’t too far from the gas station, or Bucky’s work. Sure, the house was old. Tony could live with that. They had a roof, even though it leaked on occasion. Peter would have a safe place to be born, and that made Tony the happiest man in the world. He looked over at Bucky and looked into his eyes for a few moments, Tony’s bright and shining with tears. Happy tears.

“Sorry, I cry a lot now.” He wiped a tear away. “Pregnancy hormones.” Tony sniffled. “This is just- the best.” He released Bucky’s hand and picked the tote tray back up, carrying it into their room. There was only one bedroom, but that was okay. They were usually sharing a bed now anyways, and the plan was to put Pete’s crib either in their room, or right outside. That way, they’d hear right away if he started to cry. Tony wasn’t going to leave him to cry, like his own family did. His father insisted that it built character. Tony thought that was ridiculous. Peter didn’t need to know pain and loneliness any sooner than he had to. 

He started to put clothes in the closet and paused when he thought of something. “Now that we’re moved in, we really need to start getting stuff for Peter.” Tony just wasn’t sure how. Some of the stuff was non debatable, like diapers or formula. Well, formula if he wasn’t able to nurse. Some of the stuff though, they could probably get at Goodwill. Right? “I think we can get baby clothes at Goodwill. I don’t think they’ll have a crib, though.” That was going to be a huge purchase. The apartment wasn’t that expensive, but it would be a good chunk of their rent money. It would be..interesting. 

“It almost makes me wish we had more friends, then we could have a baby shower.” 

Bucky chuckled a little and wrapped his arms around Tony, putting one hand lightly on his belly. “We’ll be okay. There’s yard sales and thrift stores and hell- if we can’t afford one, I’ll build it for you guys.” He wasn’t really sure where he fit in the picture. He wasn’t Peter’s father, but...he was very close with Tony. Bucky made sure to keep his distance in terms of...familial terms and actions. He never talked about being there when he was born, or even holding him for the first time. He and Tony were close, but just how near n’ dear Bucky was to him, he didn’t know. 

With that thought in mind, he dropped his hand and pressed a kiss to Tony’s temple before heading for the door again. 

“I’ll get the rest of the stuff. You stay up here and rest. It’s hot as Hades out.” 

Tony turned around and caught his hand. “Alright, but first..” He leaned up and gave Bucky a little peck on the lips. “You’re the best.” He smiled up at him. “Peter is so lucky to have you, and so am I.” Then he released Bucky’s hand and turned back to their small closet, putting their clothes away. It sort of felt like being married, except that they weren’t. Hell, Bucky hadn’t even asked to be boyfriends. They just sort of...were. The truth was, Tony was in love with Bucky. Maybe it was time to make a move on that, now that there was a little more stability in their lives. 

It didn’t take long for them to unpack their clothes, because they didn’t have many. The bed didn’t have sheets yet either, but that didn’t stop Tony from kicking off his shoes and propping up his feet. He felt bad, lying down while Bucky was doing all work, but damn. It was like everything he’d drank in the past fifteen years had migrated to his ankles. “Pete..” He sighed softly. “You’re killing me, kiddo.” Tony had gotten ahold of that book from the clinic, What to Expect? He liked it. Suddenly, Tony looked up and called into the living room.

“Bucky, Peter can hear us now! C’mere. Come talk to him!” The neighbors could probably hear how excited he was too. 

Bucky set the box of knick-knacks down- it was really depressing how little they actually owned, and jogged down to the bed room, stopping short when he came to the door. Tony’s eyes were bright and he hadn’t seen the man so happy in ages. Probably since he’d seen Peter for the first time. 

“He can?” Bucky asked in a hush, walking over to the bedside on tiptoes, as if a creaky floorboard would startle Peter. He knelt down beside Tony’s stomach and took the man’s hand. What if...what if his voice was too loud? Or too deep? What if he came outta the womb scared of him? What if he was a scary-ass motherfucker like his father and he’d never be able to have a relationship with Tony’s kid. 

“Uh, hey little guy.” He started, shaking quite obviously. “I’m, uh, I’m Bucky.” He looked to Tony for affirmation before continuing. 

“We’re both really excited to meet you and we just moved into an apartment so you can have a house to grow up in. I hope you like it, but if you don’t, I’m gonna try to get a better job someday, and then you and your dad can live someone nice n’ pretty, okay? You’re already a great kid in my book, and I’m gonna make sure the world’s as safe and nice as it can be for ya, okay?” 

Tony smiled, trying to encourage Bucky. He was doing so good, and Tony could feel the love for Peter. It was almost enough to make him cry (again). “See, Pete?” He said, softly. “Bucky loves you an awful lot, and if he wants, and you want, he can be your dad.” Tony glanced at him, unsure of the man’s reaction. 

“I - I like you a lot, Bucky.” He added, softly. “I really do.” He moved a little closer, sitting up to be beside him. “Fuck, I - I’m in love with you, Bucky. Is that okay?” Tony looked at the mattress, then at Bucky. He really did mean the world to Tony. “You seem to care about Peter just as much as I do. It’s..isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? How love is supposed to work?” Tony just wanted to hug him, hold the man close, and hope he hadn’t ruined everything. 

Bucky froze when Tony said he could be Peter’s father too. He-he could what? But- but...Bucky was trash. Gross trailer trash. Came from shit and would grow up to be shit. He looked at Tony with that ugly cry face and let out a strangled breath. Bucky couldn’t even comprehend what Tony was saying. He wanted Bucky to be his son’s father. A dad. Peter’s dad. His own child’s. He could have kept him all to himself, Tony totally could have, but...he wanted Bucky to be a part of his life. 

A part of Tony’s life too. For a long time. Bucky started weeping into his hands. It was gross crying. Cathartic tears. He could barely speak, barely get a mouthful of air between his silent sobs. Bucky could never cry loudly. Not after living under his roof. Through it all though,b he did manage a nod or two and eventually, he found Tony’s hand. Their hands fit together so wonderfully. Not perfectly, Bucky’s fingers were a little too long and a his palms were calloused, and Tony’s always had a penchant for fidgeting about, but they fit and they held each other together. 

“I-I love you too.” Bucky sniffled. He was still trembling fiercely. “I love both of you. More than-more than anyone I know.” Other than Becca, there was no one Bucky loved, truly. 

“I’m sorry,” He said, wiping his eyes, but doing a poor job of it with his shaky hands. “I didn’t mean to get so emotional,” Bucky laughed a little. “I just...it’s too good not to cry for.” 

At first, Tony wasn’t sure how to respond to Bucky’s tears. Once he realized that they were happy tears, a release, Tony wrapped his arms around the man and just stayed until Bucky was ready to talk again. He kissed Bucky’s forehead and sighed happily, nodding. “You’re right. I’ve wanted to ask you for so long, Bucky.” He nuzzled into the man’s shoulder and closed his eyes half way.

“I got us something. It’s little, but..” He got up and led Bucky into the kitchen, then opened up the fridge. “Look. It’s enough for dinner and breakfast and probably dinner tomorrow too.” It was just some groceries, but Jarvis had always said that a family wasn’t really moved in until they started to shop for groceries. Pizza wasn’t nearly as special, when cooking made it feel like a home. “I don’t know how to make much besides spaghetti, but...I just wanted us to be able to have something ‘sides gas station food.” Tony was going to break and go to an Applebees or something if he had to have another hot dog. 

“It didn’t cost me that much, don’t worry. There were coupons and I bought what was on sale.” Tony had used his own money, but since they paid rent together, he tried to keep it as tight as he could. It wasn’t easy. 

Bucky pulled Tony back close when he showed him their little spread. It felt like fucking Thanksgiving. He wrapped his arms ‘round Tony’s shoulders and let his head drop down onto his shoulder. Loose hair that had come free from his elastic brushed against the man’s cheek and Bucky peppered it with kisses as he swayed back and forth with joy. 

“You’re the cutest. The best. You’re the best and the cutest.” He chuckled softly and gently released the man, guiding him into a little dance, taking his hands in his own. 

“Somewhere, beyond the sea…” He sang, spinning him carefully. “Somewhere waiting for me, my lover stands on golden sands, and watches the ships-” Bucky dipped Tony, holding him steady the way down and then back up, cautious for the baby. He kissed him on the mouth and smiled against his lips before pulling them up straight.

“Go sailing.” 

Tony hummed along, staying there in his arms contently. Tony trusted him. Even when Bucky dipped him, and let him stay there for a moment. “I love you, Bucky. So much.” Move-in day had been even better than Tony had hoped.


	7. Chapter 7

If it wasn’t so cute, Tony would’ve been annoyed. Well, he was still annoyed, but it was really cute. “Bucky..!” Tony called, sitting on their shitty sofa. It was late evening, and Peter had the hiccups again. The first time was at work and while it had been really annoying at the time, now he wanted his boyfriend to see. It made his stomach bounce a little and Peter would always kick more when it happened too. It probably irritated Pete as much as it did Tony. 

 

“C’mere and feel the baby’s hiccups. It happened earlier today too, but I was at work.” It sort of hurt when they happened, and the last session had gone on for about an hour. At first, he’d freaked out until Tony remembered what the nurse had said about it. It was common, just a nuisance. “It’s kinda cute.” Bucky had been able to press his ear against Tony’s stomach and hear Peter’s heartbeat, which was reassuring, but he hadn’t felt the baby kick much. Maybe now was a good chance. 

“Hurry, or he might stop.” 

Bucky popped his head out from the hallway, where he was constructing the crib. It was helluva job, but he’d done shop for three years or so in school and he’d printed instructions off at the library. 

“Oh yeah?” Bucky wiped his hands on his jeans- he was dressed like it was November. Working at the rink meant he was always frozen. Shaking cold. Sweaters and long sleeves and this soft pair of socks Tony had bought him as a gift. He walked over and put a hand on Tony’s belly, smiling a little when he felt the hiccups. 

“Aw, Petey’s got hiccups. Use a straw and plug your ears, bud.” He smiled, kneeling down to be even with the kid. Gently, he kissed the top of Tony’s stomach and then his lips. 

“The crib’s coming along good. I think I’ll have it finished Friday.”

Tony leaned into him and nodded, glad that Bucky was doing that for him. They’d gotten the plans for a sidecar crib, which was like a regular crib, just without a side. If Tony needed to get to Peter in the middle of the night, it made it easy. Peter would be right there beside him. “Alright, sweetheart. Thank you for building it for us.” He took Bucky’s hand and got up with a little struggle, then walked to the bedroom with him.

“The next time I go to the dollar store, I’m going to try to get some stickers for the walls. I want Pete to be able to look at something nice.” Babies loved to look at things. It was all they were really able to do, after all. They had most of the basic baby stuff now, but Tony still felt..bad. Like they didn’t have enough to enrich Peter with. There were a few books, some soft toys, but..they didn’t have enough money for much beyond that. Tony was doing his best, so was Bucky. It was just hard to put away money for everything at once. He looked up at Bucky and placed a hand on his stomach, thinking it over. “We’ve both had to grow up a lot, haven’t we?” Tony chewed on his lip. “I hope Peter doesn’t have to until it’s time.” That was every parent’s dream, wasn’t it? To give their kid a better life than they had. In Bucky and Tony’s case, it was a pretty low bar. Tony still wanted to exceed it. 

“He won’t, we’ll make sure of that.” Bucky smiled softly, eyes crinkling as he kissed his temple. “I’m gonna go shower, okay?” He had a chill he needed to get rid of before bed. Bucky hated going to bed cold, especially now. When he was cold he rolled back and forth and often pressed himself as close to Tony as he could manage. Right now, that wasn’t the best thing for his boyfriend. So, he either tried to sleep on the couch if he got cold, or take a scalding hot shower. 

“Love you.” 

“I love you too,” He said, gently. Tony watched him go, then sighed softly. “I hope your dad’s alright, Pete.” Bucky had been acting strange, but he was probably just tired. They both were. It was just..the way it was now, it wasn’t either of their fault’s. It would be okay after the baby was born, he hoped. Tony suspected it was because Bucky was still working at the ice rink. He seemed so..chilled. Not in a good way, either. Right now, they didn’t have much of a choice. Bucky couldn’t afford to start over in the job search now. 

They both just had to get along as well as they could. Tony wasn’t..thrilled with his job. It was great and all, but he was only going to get a couple weeks with Peter. He couldn’t bring a newborn to a gas station. That was where he drew the line. So if he wanted to breastfeed, they’d have to find a pump. Otherwise, they’d have to spend more on formula. It was a shitty decision. Tony wished he didn’t have to make it.

\----

Tonight was their birthing seminar, and Tony was really excited. The hospital was providing the free class, and it was supposed to cover everything Tony and Bucky needed to know. They were going to watch a video of a live birth, learn how to breathe the right way, and Tony was going to practice not squeezing Bucky’s hand too hard. Plus, he’d have to tell him what kind of birth he wanted to have. It was exciting. He’d picked out Bucky’s oatmeal sweater, but it had sort of become his. Tony was going to give it back after Peter was born. For now, it was the softest thing he owned.

“Are you ready, Buckaroo?” He asked, softly. Tony called him that sometimes, but only when he was in an especially good mood. “I’m so glad you got the night off for this.” Bucky had more time off than he did, so he’d be staying with Pete a little longer. It was the only thing that made Tony feel better about going back to work so soon. Hopefully, he’d be able to walk four weeks after giving birth. 

“Me too.” Bucky pulled his hair back and walked out of the bathroom. “I thank my lucky stars that my boss was so understanding. He was a lifesaver, really.” He opened the door for Tony and then followed him down the stairs. He wished there was an elevator in the building, seeing Tony have to go up and down the stairs with Peter was painful. He hated seeing Tony so...tired. Worn out. Maybe the baby would finally make Tony slow down. 

“And just tell me what you want me to do, okay? When you give birth? I’ll do whatever you want, stand on my head if I have to.” He playfully put an arm around the man’s shoulders and tilted his head against Tony’s. 

“But I’d really rather not. It sort of gives me a migraine.”

Tony laughed softly, walking down the stairs with him. It was getting troublesome to move with the baby, even more so than before. He didn’t mind much. Every time he felt Peter move, Tony realized that it was getting even closer to time. “You don’t have to stand on your head for me, promise.” He looked up at the man. “Just don’t let them give me anything, okay?” Tony took his hand and squeezed it. “I want to be awake when Peter makes his first appearance in the world.” 

He was determined to do it himself, as silly as it sounded. Not as a form of punishment, but as..as proof that he could do it. Like people who climbed mountains, or swam across the English Channel. Tony wanted to show himself that he was strong enough to be a parent. “And stay with me, of course.” They reached the bottom of the stairs and Tony walked with him all the way to the hospital.

\--

“Jeez,” Tony said, feeling particularly worn out after their walk. “Maybe it’d just be easier if I stayed right here until Peter was ready.” He tapped a finger on his belly oh-so-gently. “Any time now, little guy. So I don’t have to walk all the way back home?” He’d be okay once they got inside.

Or so he thought, but there were so many parents inside. They all seemed to have the same idea. Tony stuck close to Bucky, walking around to the tables that had been set up. They were giving away checklists, baby mittens, that sort of thing. Tony wanted to make sure they had everything. He hadn’t even realized that babies scratched themselves enough to need weird mittens. 

Finally, the class started to gather around. There were a lot of couples there, mostly straight and mostly older. It made Tony feel...awkward. He was definitely the only pregnant guy there, and it was pretty damn obvious how pregnant he was. 

Bucky kept himself between Tony and the rest of the couples, a cool gaze on anyone who dared to look at them. Bucky was a tough SOB when he wanted to be. Really, Tony had softened his edges more than anything. But he was willing to dig his steel back out for him. He pulled out a chair for Tony at an empty table and sat down beside him. Unfortunately for them, they were stuck right in the middle of them all, all the scrutinizing to-be parents. Who seemed to be from nice neighborhoods and had pretty maternity clothes and weren’t worked to the bone. Bucky ducked his head and tried to ignore their looks. It didn’t really work. He looked up sharply at a little blonde woman with a pointy nose and needley fingers. His look was less sharp and more tired. Less tough and more disappointed. 

“What?” He asked, crossing his arms. “Yes, we’re young. Yes, Tony is pregnant and he is a man.” He cocked an eyebrow lazily and licked his lips. 

“Got a problem with it, lady?” She scrunched her nose up and muttered something to her husband before shaking her head. 

“Be careful, boy, or we’ll tell the nurse you have a pack of cigarettes in your pocket.” 

Tony looked up at Bucky for a moment, fear in his eyes for a split second, before he relaxed. He didn’t, did he? No..Bucky didn’t smoke anymore. Tony never caught a whiff of smoke on him anymore, never noticed the scent of tobacco. Partially because Bucky wanted to be around for Pete, but also because it made Tony sick to his stomach when his pregnancy advanced. It was better overall. Tony didn’t want to talk to the woman, or her husband. Everyone was looking at him. Yeah, it made him want to crawl in a hole and hide, but he understood.

It was why circus sideshows had been around for so many years. People saw somebody or something weird, and they just couldn’t stop looking. Tony just wished he had a fraction of the money they did. Maybe they could charge admission. They got to look pretty and nice during their pregnancy, and he looked like a freak of nature. At least Bucky’s sweater sort of passed for maternity wear, right? 

“Listen, we’re all tired..” He started, softly. “I know emotions are high, but there’s no reason to get upset. If you have to stare at me, go ahead.” Tony just wanted to go through the class,and then go to bed. He wasn’t - it was hard for him, yeah. “We both just want to have healthy babies.” 

The woman looked away from them both and nodded tightly. Fine. It was still strange, but the man did have a point. They both just wanted their baby. That was something everyone could understand, right? 

They went through the class, learning how to breathe, how to push, and how to recognize when labor started. It wasn’t until they finally got home when Tony collapsed on the bed, tired and emotional. Why were people so...hateful? Sure, it sucked. He was young, a guy, wasn’t supposed to have kids until he was thirty and a mechanical engineer. Howard had gotten that message pretty damn loud and clear. Did he need to hear it from anyone else? 

“I’m tired of being made an example of, Bucky.” He said, softly. “I just want to - to get this over with.” It was supposed to be the best time of his life, and instead, everyone just wanted to shame him into hiding. It felt like it was working. 

Bucky scooped Tony up into his lap and held him dear. “The only example you are making is one of a fantastic man that makes me extraordinarily happy and is so excited for his son to be born that he sings the Sesame Street theme song while he washes dishes.” He smiled and kissed his hair, rocking them back and forth together. 

Under his breath, he hummed Beyond the Sea, their song, the song they danced to and sang to and comforted to. The melody filled the room and all Bucky could do was look Tony in the eye. Fuck- he wished he could go and kick every ass of the people that made his sweetheart curl in on himself. 

As the song faded out of his lips, a new thought came into Bucky’s mind, one he’d been tryng to avoid since the incident first occured. It hurt too much to think about, but he knew he had to now. And not only that, but bring the damn thing up again. 

“I didn’t have any cigarettes on me, y’know.” He said softly, looking away in shame, even though he was innocent. “I swear, she just-she just pulled that outta her ass. I haven’t smoked for months, I promise. I wouldn’t do that to you, or Peter.” 

It took Tony a little while to come out of his shell again. Even after Bucky sang their song, it was only just enough to get him talking a little. “I know.” He said, softly. Tony had realized that in just a few seconds, after seeing Bucky’s reaction. It wasn’t true. Bucky hadn’t been smoking. “‘sides,” He said, shakily. “I haven’t been sick since you stopped.” 

Tony huffed softly. “At least now we know what a live birth looks like, right?” He asked, giving Bucky a weak but cheeky grin. “In case you wanted dinner tonight before,” Tony wasn’t sure how he was going to do it. Damn if he wasn’t going to try, though.


	8. Chapter 8

How long was his pregnancy going to last? It had been two weeks since the forty week mark, and Tony was so tired. Finally, his boss had relented and let him take sick leave until the baby was born. The guy didn’t have a choice, really. Tony could barely move, and that made him grumpy. Most of the time, he spent the day curled up on the couch, reading because they still didn’t have a television. It was a low priority, but Tony wanted his kid to be able to watch public television, even if it was on a shitty TV. It would’ve made his days a little easier too.

The doctor was willing to induce labor, but Tony was stubborn. He wasn’t going to rush Peter. When Bucky had asked, Tony told him not to rush perfection. Right about now, he was wishing that perfection would hurry the fuck up already. At least Bucky was going to be home in the evening. He’d been pulling double shifts, and Tony wanted to do something to treat him..it was just getting impossible to do anything. He sighed and got up slowly, moving to the kitchen. It was time to put his feelings aside and get a little busy. Do something special for the man who’d worked so hard for him. It would probably be their last chance to spend quality time together for a bit. Just the two of them, no work or Peter. 

Bucky was not in good shape. The ice machine had broken today and...he’d had to fix it. It was just kids working and he was the only one who could do it. That had meant sticking his hands down into that fucking freezing box and fiddling with the damn thing ‘till it stopped making that clicking sound. They’d unplugged it, of course, and emptied it, but Bucky had been part of that process. He’d nearly puked when he had to start touch chunks of ice, even through gloves. 

He wanted to cry. He really, really did. Wanted to light a match and let the flame touch his frozen hands and have them take away the cold. He didn’t even care if it hurt. Just like old times, eh? It’d been hard, since stopping smoking, to keep on punishing himself. He tried not to, but his days at the rink made it hard not to. It was nothing Tony could see, he always hid it, but it was hard to keep it from him. He had to, though. Peter was late and poor Tony needed nothing but love and comfort and care. 

Bucky climbed the stairs and got to their door, sighing as he dug around for his keys. He found the apartment one and stuck it into the lock. 

“Hey, darling,” Bucky said as he opened the door. His eyes were on the floor and his voice was stained with fatigue of both the mental and physical. 

“How was your day?” 

Tony could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “It’s been okay, honey.” He walked over and took Bucky’s hand, leading him to the table. “I made dinner. It’s not as fancy as I wanted it to be, but..” He had tried, at least. Working the oven had become more than cumbersome, and graduated to near impossible. “I didn’t want you to have to worry about it, and this might be our last quality time for a little while.” Tony brought the dinner over. It was just a plain casserole, inexpensive but wholesome. Enough for the both of them, and some leftovers. 

“Sorry, it’s noodles again.” It was all they had in the cabinet, though. “Noodles and veggies and cheese.” He’d folded the napkins to look like swans, though. That was something, right? Tony sat down and just stayed there for a minute, holding his head in his hands. Once he had the emotional capital back, Tony looked back over to Bucky. “What happened today, sweetheart? You had a bad day at work, didn’t you?” Tony could always tell. Working at the ice rink had been hard on him. Tony could hear it in his voice, the scalding hot showers that he took every night, how he never undressed around him anymore, again. It hurt both of them, but Tony couldn’t imagine how much worse it was for the man he loved. 

Bucky shook his head immediately, trying to brush off Tony’s worry. It didn’t really work too well though, considering the grimace he had plastered on his face. 

“M’okay.” He said in a tiny voice. “Work was f-fine.” He pushed around the noodles, scooping some of it into his mouth. Thank god it was warm. It felt nice, to have something make him feel warm, not cold. He couldn’t look Tony in the eye, and he knew, he knew, the man could see right through him. It just hurt too much too talk about. Made him look stupid. Made him look weak. What kinda partner? What kinda father wasn’t able to provide for his loved ones? No matter how terrible the work was. And it wasn’t even that bad! Just a little ice’s all. That’s it and that’s all. Promise. Promise that’s all. 

What Bucky didn’t realize though was that at the dinner table he was shaking like a leaf in his seat, eyes closed, gritting his teeth. He wasn’t breathing much either, only taking in tight breaths when he had to, more of manual labor than automatic living. He was just so-

“M’sorry, m’sorry, Tony I-” There were no tears, because he wasn’t sad. There was no emotion, because he wasn’t emotional. There was only fear. And shame. And emptiness. Numbness. A blank slate that only knew how to be scared. 

“I had to fix to the ice machine today.” 

That explained it all. The stupid ice machine. Tony walked over to Bucky, moving him over to the couch. They could warm up there, under a quilt. He’d gotten a couple at Goodwill for just a few dollars, and the weight combined with the warmth helped to calm Bucky down when he was like this. 

“Bucky,” He said, looking the man in the eyes. “I know it’s not easy right now, but..as soon as Peter is born, you should leave. I know we can’t afford it.” He looked at his hands. “I’d rather get a second job than see you like this, honey. I don’t - you shouldn’t have to suffer anymore.” Bucky had suffered enough. Tony couldn’t stand seeing him so unhappy. 

“I’ve got a little money saved up. If we really cut down...we could manage for a month or so.” They’d have to shut off all the lights, but..maybe it’d work. Tony rubbed Bucky’s back, humming as they snuggled. He was going to work out a solution, somehow. He’d thought about a lot of things, but none of them seemed pleasant. “Maybe you could start looking for jobs somewhere else before you quit the one you have now?” Tony pressed a kiss to the man’s forehead. “I’ll do anything to help you, Bucky. Promise.” He’d strip, but they didn’t want a pregnant guy at the gay bar, for some reason. Tony would at least have to wait for a while. “I want you to be healthy too.” 

Bucky frowned and shook his head, looking down at his knees. “We need the money.” He muttered, pulling the blanket up to his chin like a little kid. He felt like a little kid. Almost. Bucky wasn’t sure if he knew what it felt like to be a little kid. He doubted that it entailed trading a shitty job for no utilities in your little shitty old lady apartment because you couldn’t fucking put the past behind you and forget about how much it hurt to have your hands dunked into the ice maker even though your eighteen year old partner is pregnant as hell and really needs the money. That didn’t seem like primary school-playground problems. 

Bucky leaned into Tony and nuzzled into the crook of his neck. Gently he put a hand on his stomach, where Peter was still waiting to come out. 

“You guys need me to work there.” He said softly, rocking back and forth like a baby. “You guys need me to-to be a good man. A good father. I hafta to be strong, sweetheart. I gotta be. I gotta be. “ He wiped his eyes and sighed deeply. 

“If I stop now, what’re we going to do?” He asked, biting his thumbnail. “How can ya trust me to keep you n’ Peter safe and happy n’ all?” 

Tony place a hand under his chin, gently nudging him to look into Tony's eyes. “Bucky.” He said, softly. “Just..hold on until the baby is born, okay? I'll get a higher paying job after that. Promise.” Tony leaned over and kissed his forehead. He wanted to stay home with Peter, desperately, but not at the cost of his partner’s mental health. 

“You can stay home with Pete.” It wouldn't be the same, but at least he'd still be there sometimes. “After I get a better job, you can quit. Look for something different that'd be better for you.” Tony nuzzled into him and hesitated. It was an important question to ask. 

“There's uh..there’s a bar downtown that said they'd take me once I had the baby. Would you be okay with that?” Tony didn't want to say it. It was still a little shameful, even though it didn't need to be. “I won't do it unless you're okay with it, but it’d pay the rent and more. Plus, I'd only have to work at night.” It'd give him the chance to be home with Pete when he needed to be. It wasn't..it wasn't his ideal career, but it was temporary. To pay the bills.

“I just want you to be happy, Bucky. We’ll figure something out. I trust you, job or no.” 

Bucky shook his head almost immediately. “No.” He wanted Tony to be home with Peter as long as he could. He didn’t want him to have to work in a bar either. 

“You hate booze, sweetie. If I don’t have to work at the rink, you shouldn’t have to work at a bar.” He scooped Tony into his lap and leaned against the the back of the couch, a steely look in his eyes. 

“Fuck, you shouldn’t have to work at all. Not when Peter’s so little. Not when you’re forty weeks pregnant either.” He hated booze too, but...it was fine. Better him than Tony. And he’d handle it better than the ice. He wouldn’t be a wimp no more. 

“I’ll work at the bar.” Bucky flashed a smile at his boyfriend. “Am I pretty enough?” 

Tony smiled a little. “You're lovely, sweetheart. I think you'd like working as a bartender better, though.” He nuzzled into the man and relaxed, then froze. “Oh, fuck.” He said, quietly. 

“Either my water just broke, or I just peed on you.” A wave of cramps hit him. “Think it's the former.” He took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. 

“I'm gonna move off, and I’ll go get the hospital bag.” He got up slowly and frowned.”Sorry. You probably have time to change before I-” He had another contraction. “Oh shit,” He mumbled, breathing in and out as calmly as he could. “Maybe we should just go.” 

Bucky nodded seriously and ran down the hall, getting the man’s bag. He knew how important that’d be later. Carefully, he then started guiding Tony down the stairs.The hospital was only two blocks away, but it seemed like it was in China. 

“We’ll get ya there, baby. I promise, we’ll-” If they weren’t so fucking poor they would’a called a ambulance, But it would’ve wrecked their savings. Too bad they didn’t have a fucking car either. Tony had another contraction as they made it down to ground level and he looked wildly up and down the street. 

“Hey! Hey you!” There was a pizza guy walking down from the building across the street from them. 

“He’s got a baby on the way! Can y’drive us to the hospital?” The guy looked a little pissed, but when Bucky went for his wallet and grabbed two precious twenties, his look softened a bit. God, Bucky hated New York. 

Bucky slid Tony into the back seat of the Domino’s car and sat beside him, letting the man hold his hand tight as he needed. 

“We’re gettin’ there, we are.” He fidgeted with the bag and put it on his lap. “It’s gonna be okay.”


	9. Chapter 9

Tony had wanted to walk. He was glad to be in the car, but he was not going to have Peter in a pizza delivery car. He was sitting up in labor position, counting his contractions and breathing. It was going to be okay. “I know.” The hospital wasn't much further, just a short drive. 

He huffed softly, squeezing Bucky's hand. It was okay. He could do this. Tony cried out, body pushing for him. He could already tell- Peter was a large baby. Finally, they arrived, and Tony hurried out into the hospital. It didn't matter, he just had to get inside. “Excuse me,” He told the nurse. “I'm having a baby.”

The nurse looked at him for a solid minute, then nodded. It did seem like he was having a baby, though it wasn't something they saw often. They took him away on a maternity stretcher, and a doctor looked at Bucky. “Are you the father? Only family is allowed back.”

Tony reached out for his partner. “Yes, he is. He's staying with me.” He wasn't going to leave anything to chance. Bucky needed to be with him for this. 

Bucky still honestly couldn’t believe that Tony wanted him there. Even after asking him to be Pete’s father, even after telling him he loved him. Even after all that, Bucky still felt like he was an intruder. But he followed the bed in anyways. If Tony wanted him there, he was there. Bucky was taken aside once they got into the ward, and was scrubbed up so he was allowed to be in there with Tony. 

His heart was in his ears and fuck- Bucky didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do. So he just watched, and listened. And let Tony crush his fingers, it didn’t matter, he needed him. 

Tony was strong as hell, though. So strong. Not that Bucky was surprised. He knew his boyfriend. With all that strength, he was only in labor about three hours. He wished he could take the pain away, Bucky wished he could. But then- he heard a cry. A little tiny cry and then he saw him. With a plume of dark hair, Peter sat there all wriggly and pink in the doctor’s arms.

“He’s beautiful, Tony. Oh sweetheart.” He looked to him, eyes bright and shining. “He’s perfect.” 

Tony had never been so tired in his entire life. It all faded when he heard Peter take that first gasp of air, saw his child for the first time. “He is.” Tony said, reaching out for him. The doctor put him into Tony's arms, and let him hold Peter for a few moments. Then, it was time to cut the umbilical cord. 

The doctor looked at Bucky. “Do you want to do it? It's usually what the father does.” Since they were technically both dads, the doctor wasn’t sure who wanted to do it. “You'll probably want to fill out the birth certificate too.” Tony was already half asleep. It was no wonder, the kid had to be seven and a half, eight pounds. 

Tony opened his eyes half way. He wanted to rest, but he also wanted to watch Bucky. “You should do it, sweetie.” Peter was still wiggling, wanted his dad and his milk back. Bucky would need to make a decision about it fairly quickly, before Pete started crying again. Tony wanted to cry, he was just so tired that he couldn't. The tears of joy would arrive later. 

Bucky cut the umbilical cord with nervous hands and with tears in his eyes and watched as Peter was handed back to Tony for a few minutes more before they both needed to be cleaned up. Eventually, Bucky was scooted away and told to take off the scrubs and change his pants. He’d sort of forgotten about the whole stain on the crotch of his jeans. As it turned out, they had a pair of sweats for him, and the kindly nurse who gave them to him shooed away his questions of payment. 

In a blur of rooms and hallways and congratulations, Bucky was brought into the maternity wing, and into Tony’s recovery room. He was promptly given a pen and the birth certificate and told to start filling it out. That freaked him out more than a little bit. Leg bouncing underneath the little adjustable table-thing next to Tony’s bed, Bucky stared at the fancy piece of paper, eyes flitting back and forth from it to Tony, to the door, and back. 

After some inner worrying, and arguing, Bucky finally got himself to start filling the damn thing out. Still, he felt like an imposter. He wasn’t Peter’s father. He should have the privledge! He shouldn’t- He looked up at Tony, exhausted and asleep and forced himself to put all his bullshit fear behind him. 

Peter Buchanan Stark. He wrote. Mother- Bucky crossed that out, sue him if that wasn’t the right way to go about it it, and put Father in his blocky handwriting. Same handwriting he’d told Tony he’d go in on an apartment with him. 

Under the new father slot, Bucky put down Anthony Edward Stark. His pen hovered over the other parent’s line, waiting, waiting for this all to become reality.

After they moved Tony, it only took him a few minutes to fall asleep. The recovery room was quiet. They’d hold him overnight, then he’d get to go home. Nothing was wrong with Peter. He was healthy, and tall and..everything was normal. All he wanted to do was sleep now, just like Tony. 

Though once he heard Bucky come in and start muttering to himself, Tony’s eyes fluttered open yet again. “Honey..” He said, softly. “If it’s what you want, put yourself down.” He smiled sleepily. “I - I think my mom might be here soon.” Tony wasn’t for sure, but he’d asked a nurse to call the house. Maybe they’d show up, or maybe not. It was okay either way, but he wanted them to have the chance to meet their grandson. His beautiful son.

“And mmm..congrats, honey.” He took Bucky’s free hand. Tony was the only one who hadn’t congratulated Bucky yet. Why not? It was kinda fun. He closed his eyes again, feeling warm and tired. They hadn’t given him anything. The glow was just..happiness and exhaustion, mixed together into a soft blur in his world. 

“No, congrats to you,” Bucky said, holding his hand and smiling. “You did all the work, sweetheart.” He chuckled a little and scooted his chair closer to the bed and brought the roller-table with him. 

“I crossed out the mother thing ‘cause neither of us are mothers and uh, I put you down already, and Pete, obviously.” He knew Tony was too tired to really understand anything he was saying, so Bucky prattled on. 

“And I know you said I could put myself down if I wanted, but I figure it really should be what you want to be offical, and I just am a little scared that I’ll end up fucking it all up honey and I can’t do that to you and I just- I just don’t want to take anything away from this for you. I love you so much and I love Peter so much I just can’t bear to ruin your guys’ lives.” 

“Did you just hear yourself?” Tony asked, voice softer and sleepier than his words. He needed to talk a little sense into his partner. “You love me and Peter so much. I want you in my life forever, Bucky.” Tony looked up at him.”I know Peter will want you there too.” He leaned up, wincing because his stomach down hurt like a bitch. “Put your name down, James Buchanan Barnes.” He kissed Bucky’s cheek. It was the only thing that made sense. Once the man had written his name in ink pen, Tony felt satisfied enough to go back to sleep. Bucky was Peter’s dad. Everything was right in the world.

Tony’s mom arrived a few hours later, with an older man who was probably the most butler-like person to ever exist. They both located his room quickly, and walked in together. Maria paused when she saw her son. They’d given him the baby back about an hour ago, and they were both the picture of an ideal birth. Snuggled up together, safe and sound. Asleep. She looked to the man sitting beside them, looking everything the nervous father. Maria didn’t want to be angry anymore. She wanted to have a place in her grandchild’s life. “Hello,” She said, just barely whispering. “Are you the father? I’m Maria Stark, Tony’s mother.” Her face softened. “I’m sorry about what happened.” 

Bucky tilted his head to the side and looked at Tony, trying to get some semblance of an answer from him. Had he been sick? Or...had he gotten hurt before he left his parents? Did they feel bad for Bucky? That he was with their son? He hadn’t told Bucky anything...bad. Other than that his father hated him (Bucky understood that relationship) and that he’d been kicked out. Was he missing something? Fuck- first time meeting Tony’s mom and he had no clue what she was talking about. He looked down at the ground and tried to figure it out. It took him a moment, but eventually, his tormented logic pieced it together.

Bucky looked back at her, how she was looking at her son. She-she was apologizing. For something that had happened to Tony while she was around. Bucky had never seen a parent do that before. In his whole life, his parents never apologized for a single thing they did to him. 

“It’s...it’s-” Bucky felt as though he was choking on his words. “I got’m now. We got each other now.” He was happy his hair was hiding his face for the moment. 

“It’s nice you said..said sorry though.” 

Maria nodded slightly and moved to her son, running a hand through his hair. She kissed the top of his head and sighed, looking at the baby. “The baby is beautiful. What’s their name?” She looked to the man. “And what’s your name?” Maria sat down in another chair by the bed, waiting for Tony to stir. 

She wasn’t sure what to do in order to make it up to her son, and his partner. Would anything make it better? Maria should’ve fought Howard harder, should’ve taken her son back home. But once he’d been thrown out, there was no finding him. He didn’t have a phone. Until the baby was born, she hadn’t known whether he was even alive. It had given her a lot to think about. 

“I just want to make it up to my son. I..Howard never should’ve made him leave.” She sighed softly. “Howard never was a very good father, I’m afraid.” He had always been distant. Saw Tony as a far-away heir, not a treasured son. That was the root of the problem. It wasn’t Tony’s fault. She had missed her son more than she’d ever missed her husband when he went off on business trips, or disappeared with a younger woman. “That’s why I’m leaving him,” She added. “Divorcing him.”


End file.
